2013 In Review

A lot happened in 2013. The number of adventures, coffee dates, hugs, and crying nights are countless. In 2013, I was wrecked. I was broken. I was renewed. I was redeemed. I was made new. This is a year that will be forever special to me. Here are the highlights:

San Francisco Choir Competition.

Service Trip with EFree to Spokane.

Nick flew back for my Senior Prom

The Castles came out for my graduation

I graduated High School. Wahoooo!

Went back to Lame Deer for the second time.

Worked my fifth year at Camp Agape

Roadtripped to MN with my favorite people.

This Happened.

Took a spontaneous trip to Chicago

Moved to Antigua, Guatemala.

Became a part of this family.

Fell in love with this boy.

Got Baptized!!

Made lots of new friend at Lake Atitlan

Saw Jesus in new ways

Found peace in playing with diggers and dozers
with my two year old nephew.

Met the newest member of my fam, Jack Douglas.

Reunited with Nick after four months.

Turned 19, like a real adult.

 I am richly blessed.
Praise Him.

Week One: Unexpected Peace.

Well, I've been back in the states for two weeks. Day one was awful. Leaving my family in Guate was insanely hard and something I wish I never had to do. I'm learning hard hard things since being back. My prayers since being back usually start like this:

Lord, I know you're good, even in this country. Remind me of that goodness today in new ways. 

And he has. 

The Lord has continually showed me his goodness and that he is as present here as he's ever been. The same God that was in Guate is here, in America too. 

 The Lord gave me an awesome transition time between Guate and Bozeman. I got to spend my first week back  in Oklahoma with my sister and her family, including the new baby, Jack! 

My time at the ranch with her family was so restful. We didn't really go anywhere or do anything and it was perfect. I had time to listen to several podcasts, take walks alone in the woods, and play in the dirt with Henry and his diggers and dozers. 

Playing with Henry was probably my favorite part of the week. In some ways, he brought me so much peace with being back in the states. When he would sing songs about "Aunt Gwace" my heart was genuinely so happy to be there. 

I thought it was going to take months of processing and praying to feel the same joy I had felt in Guate.

It didn't. 

Playing with diggers and dozers on a ranch in Colcord, Oklahoma with an energetic toddler was more peace baring than I ever thought it would be. 

The savior of the World brought peace to me through my two year old nephew. 

What a majestic majestic creator.

New

During our time at the lake, our team spent a lot of time with the cooks, Claudio and Alida. They are a married couple who own a small restaurant in Antigua and are good friends with the long term team. Our team loved every moment we got to spend learning from them in the kitchen. 

On our second to last day in San Juan, an announcement was made that Claudio and Alida wanted to be baptized at the lake with all of us there. 

And the crowd went wild. 

Bursts of claps, screams, hollers, and cheers, came from the group of seventy. Jonathan then said that if anyone else felt lead to be baptized it would be a perfect time. "The Lord has called me personally to be baptized two or three times. Sometimes just because I'm entering a new season." 

I thought about it all night. I wanted to be baptized in Guatemala with my new family. 

The next morning Claudio and Alida were baptized. 

WAHOOOOOOOOOOOO.  

New life!!

Because of their boldness, this happened:

And this: 

And then, this: 

It went on for two hours. 

There were so many beautiful stories of why people were choosing to be baptized. Each person was washing something different off and rising into something new. 

For me, I was washing off a lot. Most of all, the fear of this ending. This season, in Guatemala, has been incredible. The kids at the hospital, our students at school, and the grandpas at the old folks home, made our ministry days so fun. The nights spent in worship at the base were refreshing and powerful. Our team time was valuable, sometimes hard, but always good. We learned more Spanish, tried new foods, went to the beach, stayed at the lake, hiked a volcano, and met everyday people. In the past three months I also heard the Lord's voice more clearly than ever, saw Jesus in children who can't speak, captured a bigger glimpse of the heart of the Father, had fears of eternity calmed by a two year old, watched an old man dance over receiving his first whole bible, experienced a deeper community, had my views changed on what church is, and fell more deeply in love with my creator. 

This season was incredible, but it's over. It's time for new beginnings, new lessons, miracles, trials, revelations, and encounters. 

It's time for a new season. 

When deciding to to get baptized I had all these things in mind. I washed away the fear of what this new season holds. I also released the tight grip I had on the season spent here in Guatemala. I came up into peace and freedom. I came out of the water ready for what's next. 

I love Guatemala deeply but I'm being called back to the states. I'm being called into a new season. 

Don Manuel

The night we went back to the AIM base, I had a conversation with one of the men on the team who is originally from Guatemala. We talked about what it means to see people in the spirit, not in the flesh, but in the spirit. When I expressed my frustrations with a few encounters with Guatemalan men, he changed my perspective. "Look at those men as brothers" 

Phew. 

Javier continued to talk about seeing people in the spirit by showing me a picture he had taken :

 We both stood in front if his computer screen and he told me to look at this man in the spirit. He waved his hand in front of his face and said, " Don't look at this." He then asked me what I saw. 

Purity? I had no idea. 

He walked away, leaving me in front of the screen staring at this stunning picture of an old wrinkled man. A while later he returned and I still wasn't sure what I saw in this picture. What was The Lord trying to tell me about this particular picture? I still wasn't completely sure. So Javier explained the image. 

Manuel was the man pictured. He's in his eighties and lives up in the mountains. When Javier ran into this man, it was very early in the morning and no one was on the streets. Manuel was carrying several wood angles he had made. He ventured from his village all the way to Antigua just to sell these angels. Javier described Manuel's smile as one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen, which to me was odd because in the picture he seemed serious. When he asked to take Manuel's picture, he agreed and asked if he could hold his product in the picture. 

Looking at the picture later, the spirit revealed a deep revelation to Javier. 

"Angels do not get to be held by the Father the way we do." 

Wait, what?

We are held by the father in a way the angels crave. They are not held the way we are. They are not loved the way we are. 

Woah.

I went home that night shocked by this new revelation. This new idea that I had never thought about before was rocking me. 

I was in awe of the Father. 

Complete awe.

The next morning started with Luis informing us a group of 60 people were moving into the house that weekend. We were struck with overwhelming feelings of discomfort. We had been living with only four people in the house for two months and now 60 were going to move in? 

People started showing up to the house later that morning to clean and prepare for the coming group. I was still overwhelmed and needed to clear my mind, so Ali and I went into town. 

On the bus ride into town my mind was running rapidly and my emotions varied. 

Javi revealed something huge to me that I was still processing, we were asked to lead Sunday school in a church that has 3 hour long services, we had invited the base over for a party that evening, and  we were still trying to understand how life was going to be with 60 teens in the house. 

Overload. 

I felt heavy. There was so much. Some good and some not so good. I needed relief. I needed Jesus. 

We spent the afternoon in town making photocopies for Sunday school and eating our favorite foods. We decided to try a coffee shop that someone had suggested to us that was on the way to the bus stop. 

A young man passed us trying to sell us something and we responded out of habit "No gracias". I walked away and suddenly realized what the bit was selling. 

Wooden Angles. 

I turned back quickly to see an old man crossing the street holding several of the angles in a pack on his back. I looked at Ali shocked.

Manuel. 

We chased after the two men, shaking with excitement. As Manuel turned I suddenly knew exactly what Javier was talking about. 

His smile was truly one of the most beautiful things. 

I told him that we had heard of him through a friend. Our conversation was very brief but it lead to a day full of smiles. I bought an angel from the two joyful men and walked away praising my king. That encounter was exactly what I needed to make it through that day. 

The Lord's timing is perfect. 

The end. 

I knew this would happen : Emerson

It seems that every time I go on a missions trip or every summer at camp, one kids grabs a hold of my heart. Being here for three months, I knew it was bound to happen here, just like it has in the past. Gabby, Colten, Zoe, and Hyatt are a few of the kids who grabbed my heart and still have it. I think about those kiddos regularly and how bizarre it is these pint sized people consume my thoughts and my prayers often. 

I love that Jesus uses children to show me his magnitude and glory. 

The first time we headed to the Cerebral Palsy hospital I knew exactly what was going to happen. I was going to fall in love with another precious being. I did. 

His name is Emerson and he is two. 

He has brown eyes and dark hair. His teeth are rotten but that doesn't rob his smile of joy. His hands are always clinched in a fist but it doesn't stop him from squeezing my finger tightly. Some people would look at the two of us and see nothing in common. P

He's Guatemalan. I'm American. He's a toddler boy. I'm a  (kinda, not really) grown woman. I have complete mental and physical capibilities, he has neither. Thankfully none of those things are important. Here is what we have in common. 

We are both spiritual beings. We are loved equally by a perfect king. We hate being alone. We feel things. We both wear crazy socks and enjoy the presence of people. I also believe that we will both dance before Jesus in a perfect place that has been prepared for the both of us. 

When I first met Emerson, the boss nurse told me his mother is 15. It doesn't take a math genius to figure out that his mother was 13 when she had Emerson. 

Thirteen.

I was confused, sad, and a little angry. Then I realized, who am I to say she's wrong? Do I know her story? Not at all. It's easy to sit back and point fingers at the girl who got pregnant at 13. We're called to more than that. I decided to start praying for her regularly. For wisdom with Emerson, for encounters with Jesus, for peace in knowing her baby is being taken care of, and for a supportive family. I always wondered if she ever visited. 

Well, I met Emerson's Mom last Saturday. I was overwhelmed by the encounter and told her several times how rich my love is for her sweet baby boy. Her mother, Emerson's abuelita, was there as well. She told me that Emerson is not her only grandchild. Emerson has a little sister. I was shocked and a flood of different emotions poured over me. What's with this girl? Why does she have two babies at the age of 15? Then I was reminded, I am in no position to say she's wrong. I still don't know her story and I still don't know her heart. 

I was extremely relieved to know she does visit. Maybe she visits every Saturday, I wouldn't know cause we're never there on the weekends. Maybe that's not the case and maybe that was the first time she had visited in two years. 

Praise Jesus. 

She visits. 

Whether it's once every two years or once a week, she visits. That is reason enough to praise Jesus. 

As I walked away from the two women, I was at peace. God became more majestic in that moment because someone had put it on her heart to be there that Saturday. God knows my heart and said yes to a lot of the things I had asked for. He knew to bring her there the only Saturday I was at the hospital. 

I still pray for her. I hope meeting me put her at peace as well. I hope I was able to clearly display and communicate the depth of my love for her son. I hope she is calmed in knowing her son is well taken care of. 

I am continuing to pray she would encounter The Lord, if she hasn't already.  I have also began to pray for Emerson's Dad as well. Again, I have no idea what his story is either. 

Please join me in praying for this sweet boy and his family that is so desired by King Jesus. 

Four Women.

A few weeks ago, our team had the honor of having breakfast for dinner at the AIM base here in Antigua. I was expecting our time there to be enjoyable because...well, we were having breakfast for dinner. That's always enjoyable. Noe picked us up from our hostel and we rode in the back of his pick up truck to a beautiful house a few miles away from our home. As we walked in the house, we were instantly greeted by friendly faces and fresh fruit. The team at the base welcomed us in like we were family. I had no idea that by the end of the night, I would actually be calling them family. After introducing ourselves to the team of twenty, we walked to the back patio with our plates full of pancakes, french toast, and pineapple. The backyard is huge and their patio is all pinteresty. They have white lights, candles, a hammock, and tables made from old doors. Old bottles dipped in paint and wrapped in twine were holding flowers as centerpieces. Ali, Mercediez, and I sat on a bench and a few girls sat across from us, Robin and Sam. They asked questions like "What has been the hardest part?" and "What is the Lord teaching you?" There was no surface level, fake questions but they jumped to the deep ones immediately.They listened intently as we shared our struggles, lessons, challenges, and excitements of our trip so far.

 As we finished our conversation and meal, Noe began to speak truth over us. He addressed the lie that states there is strength in numbers. He continued to explain that this team of four women is as powerful as any other team. Going into the first week of our time here, I often found myself thinking of how there would be some disadvantages as far as ministry goes because we had no men on our team. Men are higher in a lot of places around the world, including Guatemala. Noe looked at the four of us and gave several biblical examples of when Jesus used women to teach. "Who visited Jesus' tomb because they had faith he would rise? Women. Who did Jesus first appear to after he did conquer death? Women. Then those women were the ones who went to tell all the people it was true, Jesus had raised from the death. They were the first ones to preach the good news. The first preachers and evangelists were women." After a few moments of silence he continued "The word I get for you guys is Faith. You are women of faith and there is radiant joy coming from you guys."

Radiant Joy.

This encouragement sunk deeply into me.

God used a man we had only known for two hours to refresh us greatly. That is God's work at it's finest.

Our night ended with more conversations, ice cream, and photos that could be in national geographic. Those are three of my very favorite things. Any night that ends with people, ice cream, and stunning pictures, is a good one. We rode back to our hostel in the back of the truck and planned our next gathering with them. My soul had been refreshed and I was filled. Our experience at the AIM base was what I believe church should look like. This is community. This is what it means to be one body.


I in them and You in Me, in order that they may become one and perfectly united, that the world may know and  recognize that You sent Me and that You have loved them [even] as You have loved Me. - John 17.23

Todos niños cantan >>

You know that one song that talks about African plains and Asian believers? Most people who listen to Christian radio or watch inspirational slide shows about missions have heard it. Since K Love plays in my house in Bozeman and in all the Keena cars, I have had my fair share of this song.  I remember listening to it in fourth grade with a friend who was a missionary kid in Tanzania. That was eight years ago so I assure you, I know this song well. In fact, I've kinda grown numb to it.

 A lot of songs we sing in church or hear on the radio are overplayed and then we often forget why we're singing them. It becomes a habit to just sing the songs, it's muscle memory. The songs we sing can lose meaning overtime and we become numb to the rich words of some if these songs.

 Yesterday was our fourth Sunday here and the band began to play the song I was talking about earlier, He Reigns. I wasn't really excited to hear the song cause I had actually become bored and tired of the song, but I sang along loudly because I knew the words in English. As church was beginning to end, the leader played the chorus over and over again. As he played, people began to hug one another and pray for eachother. The rest of the congregation continued to quietly sing

"Todos niños cantan gloria gloria, aleyluia el Rey." 

As a group we continued to repeat this part of the song. After about the fifth time, it finally hit me. We are living out this song. 

We are all of God's children. 

We are the body of Christ.

 Together we are singing glory glory hallelujah he reigns.

 Everyone was singing in Spanish except the four Americans and that's okay. Living breathing proof that we do not worship a God of one nation.

 But a boundless, endless, limitless God.

 I can barely communicate with majority of the people in our church, but there is nothing holding us back from worshiping our God together. He hears us all. We will continue singing glory glory to our sweet precious king. 

This song is no longer dull or boring and I am no longer numb to the lyrics because I saw this song happen. I witnessed the words come to life. 

Hallelujah. He Reigns. 

Antigua : Guatemala

I simply can not believe that I am here and have been for two weeks already. It was just the other day that I realized I am living out a childhood dream of mine. Ever since I started learning Spanish in fourth grade, I knew I wanted to take time off after high school to go to a Spanish speaking country on a missions trip and teach English. Seventh grade was the year I decided I wanted to go to Guatemala. I am actually fulfilling a dream I have had for over five years. I have also wanted to be a missionary for so long and now I am.

I am a missionary who is teaching in a Spanish speaking country. 

My life here in Antigua is delightful, hard, rewarding, sweet, frustrating, restful, and chaotic. The past few weeks we have been teaching over 300 students about intimacy, abstinenence, and addictions. The moment we walk into each classroom we have everyone's attention, but only because we are white women.This is a hard job when only a few are listening and the rest are laughing at the inappropriate comments and jokes made my classmates. The few who are attentive make each class pleasant. The questions that the students ask are real, blunt, and very honest. "Why do we wait till marriage? How is porn bad for you heart? What if we feel really pressured in a single moment, how do we say no?"  Later our host told us they ask the questions because they have been put in those specific situations or are struggling with the things they ask about. They don't ask out of curiosity. This culture is very physical, which made it hard for them to understand why we wait and why I still haven't kissed my boyfriend of two years. Through lots of Q&A time we were able to depict what relationships should look like and students slowly began to understand. I've always heard its refreshing for teachers when their students begin to think about things deeply. I now know.

Friday, we went through orientation to work at a Cerebral Palsy hospital. No one spoke English. None of the nurses, doctors, physical therapists,cooks, or laundry ladies spoke a drop of English. We spent a good amount of time folding jump suits and pjs with an older lady who tried to understand our very broken Spanish. Maybe I didn't understand everything she said, but when I asked her if she enjoyed her job she smiled and said she did, very much. The sweet lady who cleans and folds the clothes of seventy special needs patients loves her job. I look forward to going back and serving along side her because I think she can teach me a thing or two, even if it's just the proper way to fold footie pajamas. After laundry, we were given the chance to feed the patients. I have never fed anyone over the age of one, so I was slightly terrified. Diego was the first boy I fed. I looked at him and prayed out loud "Jesus, show me these children through your eyes. Please show up." He did. As each wheel chair rolled up to my feet to be fed, I was able to look at each patient as a precious child of God. Romans 8:38 says,

  

^"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

I believe that firmly. No mental disease will prevent these children or any person ever from receiving the sweet gift of God's love. That is good. We will continue to volunteer at this hospital the rest of our time here in Antigua and I look forward to seeing God's love glow through each face at this facility.

Here are a few pictures from our wonderful adventures here in beautiful beautiful beautiful Antigua. 

( Our Room )

(Our new BEAUTIFUL home)

( Ali & Mercediez )

( Our view from Church!)

(Our friend, Cutie, gives us coffee in the Plaza regularly)

(Found this gatito, oceans, in the market)

(Teaching at one of the schools)

(Ali and I with some of our students)

(Eli with a scandy statue near church)

( Celebrating Independence Day)

(Independence day food tour!)

Summer So Far

Summer is my favorite season.

This is why :